Looking for Funny Quotes?
We’ve got you covered…
We’ve compiled the list of funny quotes to make you laugh out loud.
And laughter truly is the best medicine for your soul.
Not only does laughter reduce stress, but it also lowers your blood pressure, gives you an excellent ab workout, and releases endorphins.
So to keep you healthy and happy literally, enjoy these 30 funny quotes.
Funny Quotes to Explore and Share
People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day.A. A. Milne
Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt.Abraham Lincoln
If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?Abraham Lincoln
The best thing about the future is that it comes one day at a time.Abraham Lincoln
The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits.Albert Einstein
The average dog is a nicer person than the average person.Andy Rooney
Have you noticed that all the people in favor of birth control are already born?Benny Hill
If you’re going to tell people the truth, be funny or they’ll kill you.Billy Wilder
My favorite machine at the gym is the vending machine.Caroline Rhea
How many people here have telekenetic powers? Raise my hand.Emo Philips
Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.Erma Bombeck
I’m sick of following my dreams, man. I’m just going to ask where they’re going and hook up with ’em later.Mitch Hedberg
Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence in society.Mark Twain
I haven’t spoken to my wife in years. I didn’t want to interrupt her.Rodney Dangerfield
I used to sell furniture for a living. The trouble was, it was my own.Les Dawson
Folks, I don’t trust children. They’re here to replace us.Stephen Colbert
I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.Thomas A. Edison
I hate women because they always know where things are.Voltaire
If you’re going through hell, keep going.Winston Churchill
A man in love is incomplete until he has married. Then he’s finished.Zsa Zsa Gabor
I never feel more alone than when I’m trying to put sunscreen on my back.Jimmy Kimmel
Common sense is like deodorant. The people who need it most never use it.Anonymous
I’m not good at the advice. Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?Chandler (Matthew Perry), Friends
I never forget a face—but in your case, I’ll be glad to make an exception.Groucho Marx
Here’s something to think about: How come you never see a headline like ‘Psychic Wins Lottery’?Jay Leno
A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.Steve Martin
There is one word that describes people that don’t like me: Irrelevant.Anonymous
Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?Robin Williams
Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow just as well.Mark Twain
Woke up today. It was terrible.Grumpy Cat
Anyone who lives within their means suffers from a lack of imagination.Oscar Wilde
I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.Noel Coward
I have a lot of growing up to do. I realized that the other day inside my fort.Zach Galifianakis
See Also: 15 Short Quotes and Sayings About Life
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We hope you like these FUNNY QUOTES, feel free to comment on your favorite love quotes!